Last night I went out with some friends for dinner and while sitting and talking I realized something....I'm so not over what happened to me in high school. I was in high school 5 years ago, you think I'd be over it by now, but apparently I'm not. High school was not traumatic for me, in fact I had a great time. There were some instances with friends, but for the most part, I made good friends and have a lot of good memories. Here's the thing I'm not over....choir and theatre! My freshemen year I took Mixed Chorus because the is the choir that you are supposed to start in. The only reason I ever joined choir was so that I could be in Concert Choir, the highest choir in the school (minus Madrigals), so I suffered through Mixed, Treble Choir, and then Advanced Treble Choir because our choir director didn't want Concert Choir to be so big. She started Advanced Treble Choir because she didn't want to put all the girls that were in Treble Choir into Concert Choir, hence she made a new choir. Now I thought when I was a junior that I could go through one more year of choir without being in Concert Choir, so I put my time in and worked hard, even though I thought choir was kind of boring. Then at the end of my junior year, Bonnie (Choir Director) decides that she is going to make us go through auditions for Concert Choir, and I thought okay. Although I thought it was weird, because the year before she put all the girls that were going to be Seniors in Concert Choir. So I signed up for my audition, and decided that I should try out for Madrigals because I would have been mad at myself if I had not given it a chance. Well I got really nervous, and when I'm nervous I sing off key. In the audition they asked you your part, (I was a second soprano), but I had been a first soprano before, so I should have said that I was first soprano because they put a tape on with all the other parts except second sop and expected me to be able to sightsing my notes....yeah right! Well needless to say I messed up, but I figured I would still get into Concert Choir, well I didn't. I had to suffer through my senior year in a state of bitterness because although I had put my time in, and I'm not a terrible singer, I didn't get into Concert Choir. I was once again in Advanced Treble Choir. Which by the way, when I went to ask Bonnie why I didn't make Concert Choir, she told me that ATC was on the same level as Concer Choir, Bullshit! Then why wasn't I in Concert Choir?
Now theatre. I tried out for a lot of shows in my high school career, I was blessed to go to a school that did like nine shows a year, so my chances of making a show were pretty good. Well not so much. My freshmen year I tried out for West Side Story. I didn't make it. It was a longshot since there were usually only 3 freshmen in the shows and a ton of people tried out. (sidenote: My sister Angela was Maria, and she was awesome!). So I was not too upset that I didn't make it. I ended up trying out for the Student Play Festival, and I got in it! Yay! It was fun, and it was all student run so I got to know a lot of cool people that way. My sophomore year I tried out for Hamlet, which was an all female cast and there were going to be two different productions of it, I didn't make it. I wasn't that upset though because there were other oppertunities. Again I tried out for the Student Play Festival and made it again. Yay! I also tried out for Fame, and got in that as well! I was so excited, granted it was not up to the standards of other Pius shows, but it was so much fun! I thought that since I made Fame that I had my foot in the door and getting into the shows would be easier because the director knew me and what I was capable of. Well, scrap that theory. My junior year I tried out for Jesus Christ Superstar, and I had a bad audition, so I didn't make it. I was not prepared and forgot the words to my song. Not good! Then I tried out for The Foreigner and got called back, but didn't make the final cast. I was pretty upset because I thought I actually had a chnace of making it. Then I tried out for Jeckyl and Hyde, and again I didn't make it. I was starting to get pretty frustrated. Plus, my junior year there were two Student Play Festivals, and you'd think that I would have made them, or at least one, but no! I was pretty discouraged, but I kept trying my senior year, and I tried out for Les Miserables. Now I thought, hey I'm a senior, it's my last chance to be in a show, the cast was going to be huge, there were supposed to be like 60 people, so I thought hey as long as I have a solid audition, I'll make it. Well I didn't, and let me tell you I was very upset. The director did not stick to the usual 3 freshmen, there were 7, and there were kids in it too. I was bitter, I had a good audition. I didnt forget the words and I sang on key. There were apparently 60 other people in the school that were better than me, even though all I wanted to do was wave my flag in the background. I also tried out for the two student play festivals and didn't make those either. I then proceeded to try out for one more show, Dancing at Lugnasa, and I didn't make it. I was very discouraged, I gave up on being in a show my senior year, even though there was one more that I could've tried out for. I didn't because it would have meant that I would've had to skip prom.
Now I know this sounds craxy for me not to be over this, but this was all I dreamt about doing before I got to high school. I didn't think I'd make every show, but I thought I would be able to be in a show my senior year. I think Pius has great plays and musicals, and really wonderful choirs, but it's not fair that you have to be outstanding your freshmen year to be considered. I wasn't given a chance to grow and show that I had the potential to learn. Plus, it was high school, I should have been given a chance to explore my options and really find out what I was good at. There should have been a play that didn't cut people. I didn't want a lead role, all I wanted was to be in it. Choir was fun in the beginning, and then it got competitive and not fair. If you put in your time and sing on key, you should be able to move up the notches of choir. A choir is not good if it is made up of solo singers. I mean hello! Choirs sing together!
Writing this is a step in me getting over it. I've learned so much about myself in college, and it was not through choir and theatre. I don't need to say that I sang in the top choir and was in all the shows to be successful. So everything happens for a reason, I did get to hang aroundsome awesome friends my senior year, and would not have been able to do that as much had I been in the shows. I had a fun senior year, and I got to make good relationships with the teachers in the Campus Ministry Office, which helped me realize my passion in life. So I'm saying goodbye to my bitterness. I won't speak about being sad about choir and theatre anymore. That was high school and I'm not in high school anymore! Hooray! I can feel the bitterness leaving my body.
The book this time is:
That Takes Ovaries: Bold Females and Their Brazen Acts (Rivka Solomon)
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