I need to get over this stuff....

Last night I went out with some friends for dinner and while sitting and talking I realized something....I'm so not over what happened to me in high school. I was in high school 5 years ago, you think I'd be over it by now, but apparently I'm not. High school was not traumatic for me, in fact I had a great time. There were some instances with friends, but for the most part, I made good friends and have a lot of good memories. Here's the thing I'm not over....choir and theatre! My freshemen year I took Mixed Chorus because the is the choir that you are supposed to start in. The only reason I ever joined choir was so that I could be in Concert Choir, the highest choir in the school (minus Madrigals), so I suffered through Mixed, Treble Choir, and then Advanced Treble Choir because our choir director didn't want Concert Choir to be so big. She started Advanced Treble Choir because she didn't want to put all the girls that were in Treble Choir into Concert Choir, hence she made a new choir. Now I thought when I was a junior that I could go through one more year of choir without being in Concert Choir, so I put my time in and worked hard, even though I thought choir was kind of boring. Then at the end of my junior year, Bonnie (Choir Director) decides that she is going to make us go through auditions for Concert Choir, and I thought okay. Although I thought it was weird, because the year before she put all the girls that were going to be Seniors in Concert Choir. So I signed up for my audition, and decided that I should try out for Madrigals because I would have been mad at myself if I had not given it a chance. Well I got really nervous, and when I'm nervous I sing off key. In the audition they asked you your part, (I was a second soprano), but I had been a first soprano before, so I should have said that I was first soprano because they put a tape on with all the other parts except second sop and expected me to be able to sightsing my notes....yeah right! Well needless to say I messed up, but I figured I would still get into Concert Choir, well I didn't. I had to suffer through my senior year in a state of bitterness because although I had put my time in, and I'm not a terrible singer, I didn't get into Concert Choir. I was once again in Advanced Treble Choir. Which by the way, when I went to ask Bonnie why I didn't make Concert Choir, she told me that ATC was on the same level as Concer Choir, Bullshit! Then why wasn't I in Concert Choir?

Now theatre. I tried out for a lot of shows in my high school career, I was blessed to go to a school that did like nine shows a year, so my chances of making a show were pretty good. Well not so much. My freshmen year I tried out for West Side Story. I didn't make it. It was a longshot since there were usually only 3 freshmen in the shows and a ton of people tried out. (sidenote: My sister Angela was Maria, and she was awesome!). So I was not too upset that I didn't make it. I ended up trying out for the Student Play Festival, and I got in it! Yay! It was fun, and it was all student run so I got to know a lot of cool people that way. My sophomore year I tried out for Hamlet, which was an all female cast and there were going to be two different productions of it, I didn't make it. I wasn't that upset though because there were other oppertunities. Again I tried out for the Student Play Festival and made it again. Yay! I also tried out for Fame, and got in that as well! I was so excited, granted it was not up to the standards of other Pius shows, but it was so much fun! I thought that since I made Fame that I had my foot in the door and getting into the shows would be easier because the director knew me and what I was capable of. Well, scrap that theory. My junior year I tried out for Jesus Christ Superstar, and I had a bad audition, so I didn't make it. I was not prepared and forgot the words to my song. Not good! Then I tried out for The Foreigner and got called back, but didn't make the final cast. I was pretty upset because I thought I actually had a chnace of making it. Then I tried out for Jeckyl and Hyde, and again I didn't make it. I was starting to get pretty frustrated. Plus, my junior year there were two Student Play Festivals, and you'd think that I would have made them, or at least one, but no! I was pretty discouraged, but I kept trying my senior year, and I tried out for Les Miserables. Now I thought, hey I'm a senior, it's my last chance to be in a show, the cast was going to be huge, there were supposed to be like 60 people, so I thought hey as long as I have a solid audition, I'll make it. Well I didn't, and let me tell you I was very upset. The director did not stick to the usual 3 freshmen, there were 7, and there were kids in it too. I was bitter, I had a good audition. I didnt forget the words and I sang on key. There were apparently 60 other people in the school that were better than me, even though all I wanted to do was wave my flag in the background. I also tried out for the two student play festivals and didn't make those either. I then proceeded to try out for one more show, Dancing at Lugnasa, and I didn't make it. I was very discouraged, I gave up on being in a show my senior year, even though there was one more that I could've tried out for. I didn't because it would have meant that I would've had to skip prom.

Now I know this sounds craxy for me not to be over this, but this was all I dreamt about doing before I got to high school. I didn't think I'd make every show, but I thought I would be able to be in a show my senior year. I think Pius has great plays and musicals, and really wonderful choirs, but it's not fair that you have to be outstanding your freshmen year to be considered. I wasn't given a chance to grow and show that I had the potential to learn. Plus, it was high school, I should have been given a chance to explore my options and really find out what I was good at. There should have been a play that didn't cut people. I didn't want a lead role, all I wanted was to be in it. Choir was fun in the beginning, and then it got competitive and not fair. If you put in your time and sing on key, you should be able to move up the notches of choir. A choir is not good if it is made up of solo singers. I mean hello! Choirs sing together!

Writing this is a step in me getting over it. I've learned so much about myself in college, and it was not through choir and theatre. I don't need to say that I sang in the top choir and was in all the shows to be successful. So everything happens for a reason, I did get to hang aroundsome awesome friends my senior year, and would not have been able to do that as much had I been in the shows. I had a fun senior year, and I got to make good relationships with the teachers in the Campus Ministry Office, which helped me realize my passion in life. So I'm saying goodbye to my bitterness. I won't speak about being sad about choir and theatre anymore. That was high school and I'm not in high school anymore! Hooray! I can feel the bitterness leaving my body.

The book this time is:
That Takes Ovaries: Bold Females and Their Brazen Acts (Rivka Solomon)

Why am I like that?!?

Lately I've realized that I do not take time out of my busy schedule to enjoy life. I tend to get so wrapped up in things that I get annoyed with the people who are appreciating life. Example: ever since high school I have not walked slow. I was trained in high school to walk fast because I only had four minutes to get to my locker on the third floor from the 5th floor and then proceed to my class on the 4th floor. I would get annoyed with students at Pius that walked too slow for me. I was not at all hostile towards them, but I would try to get around them so that I could continue on with my fast paced life. The thing that makes me laugh is that I was never late for class....even when I had to stop at my locker. I didn't even take the time to say hi to my friends because I had to get to my locker....I'm saddened by that. I could have made so many more friendships if I had slowed down and taken the time to appreciate that fact that I was in high school.

In college, I still find myself doing this. The funny thing is that, I now have at least 10 minutes between classes and a lot of the time have no reason to be rushed. Today after my last class, I found myself becoming annoyed with the kid in front of me that was walking slowly, and then I thought about it.....why am I in such a hurry? I have nowhere to be and gaining another 2 minutes of study time is not going to help me much in the long run. So I made a pact with myself to slow down and start enjoying life. I mean you only get to live it once......why not appreciate it? I don't want to be the person that says someday I'm going to do that, I'm going to be the person that says....I did that and now I'm doing this. Life goes by so fast and we as Americans forget to take time out and enjoy what we are doing.



This is something else that I find really important.....reflection. Living at home for 3 years by myself while my sisters were at college gave me a chance to be alone and really get to know myself. I didn't live in the shadow of my sisters, but when they left I was really able to get a chance to reflect on myself and who I was as a person. I still enjoy my alone time. It was hard for me to have a roommate in college because I missed my alone time. I am by no means a loner, but there are times when I just want to reflect on my life. It's okay to be alone and take the time to reflect on yourself....you really learn a lot about yourself. So the next time you find yourself hurrying off some place that you don't really need to be hurrying off to, take a step back and appreciate your life. This is something that I will continue to work on and eventually I will be able to fully appreciate my life.

The book this time is:
Walk Two Moons (Sharon Creech)

Some Interesting Facts

These are some interesting facts from my Psych of Women book:
1. After more than 200 years of democracy, only 13 percent of U.S. Senators and 14 percent of members of the House of Representatives are women.
2. In the United States, women earn about seventy-four cents for every dollar earned by men.
3. The United Nations estimates that 100 million women worldwide are missing from the population--dead because, as females, they were unwanted.
4. One in four U.S. college students believe that the activities of married women should be limited to home and family (down from one in two in 1970).
5. Women have been heads of state in twenty-three countries around the world, yet in others they lack the basic human rights such as voting and going to school.
6. Women in the U.S. are far more likely than men to suffer from serious depression and eating disorders.
7. Less than 5 percent of the artists in New York's Metropolitan Museum collections are women, but 85 percent of the nude paintings are of females.

Just some food for thought....back to studying.......

The book this time is Nicke and Dimed (Barbara Ehrenreich)

Gym Class Woes

Today I got to talking to someone about gym class or Phy Ed as it was called at Holy Apostles (Thanks Mr. S. It was called Phy Ed because the gym is the building, but the class is physical education), and I thought about my experiences in gym. Kindergarten through 2nd grade gym was fun. We played the games that had people in the middle, and then you had to try to run across the gym and reach the other side without getting tagged by one of the people in the middle. I also loved parachute day. This is the day that Mr. Dorlack brought out the parachute and we swayed it back and forth and had to run under it and do the crab crawl. Gym class was so much fun! But in 3rd grade we started actual sports, and I'm not the most athletic person so it was not much fun for me. I remember during football, running along the wall on the playground to make it look like I was doing something, but I had no idea what was going on. In 5th grade I was at a new school (Holy Apostles) and Phy Ed was started. Mr. S. would give us lectures on sports and then give us tests on them. (i.e. When was basketball invented? and where was it invented?) BTW, I still don't know the answers to those questions! Presidential Fitness Testing also came along with Phy Ed, and the dreaded mile. In 5th grade I was forced to run my first mile around the cemetary (yes, that's right a cemetary, because the road around it was a circle so we ran around the raod three times (apparently that was a mile). In fifth grade, I got a DNF which stands for did not finish (thanks for waiting 2 more minutes Mr. S.) and it 6th grade I finished it 11 minutes (I know that's terrible, but at least I finished it!) In 7th grade I got a 9:15 and in 8th 8:45? So at least I got better. Here's the question, what purpose does running the mile serve? I didn't learn anything except the fact that I hate running, and I hate it even more when I have to do it around a cemetary. What happened to gym class with the silly games? At least I was encouraged and had a good time. I agree with physical activity in school, but why did Mr. S. have to give us thoe stupid tests? and in 6th grade we had to write papers! Yes that right! Papers in Phy Ed! Haha.......I wrote mine on volleyball and got a D from Mr. S and an A- from the Language Arts teacher. I enjoyed gym class in high school, mainly because of Stro (Ms. Stromilla!) haha...line dancing with a woman who taught my mom when she was in high school! And roller-skating. Pius understood about fun activities. Don't humiliate kids because they are bad at sports, just encourage them to do physical activity and have fun. So ends my rant on gym class. Games in gym = fun, and presidential fitness tests and written tests = a horrid experience!

The book this time is:
Fast Food Nation (Eric Schlosser)

Ugly Betty!!

So I have to give a huge hooray to America Ferrera because she won for best lead actress in a comedy series at the Emmy's last night. I love Ugly Betty, if you've never seen it you should start watching it. It's on Thursdays on ABC at 8/7 central. Betty is the assistant to Daniel Mead who is the Editor-in-chief of Mode Magazine. Betty is "ugly" on the outside, but doean't let that get in her way and manages to have the whole company loving her. It's a great show and shows that there is more to life than appearances. I'm so glad that the U.S. has accepted "Ugly Betty" because it's a positive show for kids to watch (on most occasions) and it shows that you don't have to be frightingly skinny and look like a doll in order to make an impact on the world. So I say watch the show.....or rent it because the first season is out on DVD. And if you like it, which I think you will, pass it on to your friends and tune in for the second season! :)

Book recomendation this time is:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)

I forgot to recomend a book!

I realized after all my ranting that I forgot to recomend a book, but this time I'm recomending a movie because it fits the topic and movies are inspirational as well. So here it is:
If these Walls Could Talk (Starring Demi Moore, Sissy Spacek, and Cher) Made in 1996 by HBO

Are you kidding me?

Today on campus there were these Anti-choice protestors from Milwaukee (Don't ask me why there were all the way in Winona, I have no idea) that had huge posters, like 5 feet high and 3 feet wide posters, of aborted fetuses. They were handing out these pamplets about abortion and they even had young kids handing out pamplets. I respect someone's right to free speech, but was it necessary to get your kids involved? They don't really know what is going on. I mean there was a four year old handing out pamplets. They were screaming that abortion was immoral and that Planned Parenthood is evil. The pamplets said in big bold letters that "Planned Parenthood admits that abortion is the killing of a baby", well duh! Whoever said abortion was otherwise was very misinformed. On the pamplet it said, "most people think that abortion is the removal of some cells and tissue, but it's really the killing of a baby!" I don't know anyone who thinks that abortion is the removal of tissue and some cells. Bah! These people are missing the underlying problem. Abortion wouldn't be necessary if the fricken government took care of the people that can't afford to be pregnant and raise a child. These people think that if abortion was outlawed that it would stop happening. NEWSFLASH! Just because you outlow something doesn't mean it goes away. HELLO! Stealing is against the law, but it still happens! Abortion is more than a right or wrong moral issue. There are a lot of issues in the U.S. that need to be worked out before abortion will not be necessary. (On a side note, I didn't actually get the pamplet from one of the protestors, I picked it up off the ground because someone had gotten it and didn't want it.....isn't that an effective method? NOT! I kept my head down while I was passing them and wouldn't make eye contact) On a happy note, FORGE is planning a counter protest for next thursday at the same time of day to give the students at WSU another view on the issue. I'm not at all against people who are pro-life. I just think today was at a point where it went too far. If you are going to debate with someone, you have to be willing to listen to their side of the issue. It goes along with good debate ethics....otherwise it's not a fair argument, and I'm all for fair arguments.

In memory of a nose stud

Last week while at home I caught a cold. My nose got all stuffed up and then my nose stud got infected. I took it out for a couple of days and the hole closed up. The only way to get the stud back in is to get it pierced again. I don't have the money to do that now so I'm saying goodbye to my nose stud. Sad, but true.

Goodbye Nose Stud
You served me well
It was a rebelious act that brought you about
I'd been thinking about doing it for four or five years
and I finally did

Goodbye nose stud
You brought me compliments
and a sparkle to my nose
I felt pretty with you around
and I still am without you

Goodbye nose stud
you will be remembered forever
Sometimes it feels like you are still there
but alas, you are not
Maybe someday I'll have a new nose stud
and the happy respect with stud and nose
will be brought together again

The recommended book this time is:
Body Outlaws (Rebecca Walker and Ophira Edut)

And because it is 9/11, I'm giving my tribute to the men and women whose lives were lost in the tragedy.

Flood Relief

Right before school started in Winona there was some serious flooding in the area. Nothing happened to the school, but there are more than a hundred houses in the Winona area that are uninhabitable. Today some students volunteered to help the people in the area. I was assigned to a home in Minnesota City. The house was completely gutted out when we got there. It looked like they were in the building stages of the house with plywood floors and no dry wall. The owners had to completely start over on their house. It was so weird to think that your whole house could get ruined by a bunch of water. We cleaned out the basement and then we had to shovel rocks from the garden and powerwash them because they got covered in sewage from the flood. It was awesome to help someone, but it was a lot of work. At the end of the day we took a trip to the end of the road where it meets up with the Mississippi River. The water had washed out a train bridge and a road bridge and we were at least 40 feet above the river. Can you imagine the water coming that high? It also came in about a 6 hour span.

I was bothered by the fact that not a lot of upperclass people helped out with the flood relief. I know that we are busy and have a lot of work to do, but it was only one afternoon. I think that as we get older we tend to forget how to budget our time for other people. I think it's important to help out and get involved with the community that you live in. You as a community member have a voice and you should be able to make your voice heard. The best way to get your voice heard is to become involved. There were a lot of freshpeople there which was awesome to see. I know that some of them were required to be there because of Alcohol violations, so they had to do community service, but there was a good number of them that were there because they wanted to help. Another thing that bothered me was the people that signed up to come and made a commitment and then didn't show up. I think that is so irresponsible. They signed up for it voluntarily so why wouldn't you follow through with a committment. I didn't was to get up this morning, but I sucked it up because I made a committment and because I knew that these people really needed our help. I say when you make a commitment you keep it. The only thing that should keep you away is a family emergency or and illness. Otherwise you should be there if you voluntarily signed up.

The book I recommend this time is:
Grassroots: A Field Guide for Feminist Activism (Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards)

This is my voice

I'm starting this blog because I want my voice to be heard...or I guess read. It's my last semester of college and then I start my life in the "real world". I'm living up my last semester of college by getting involved in groups and causes that I really care about. I've learned that I have a huge passion for social justice/women's issues. Last May I went on a trip to the Virgin Islands and I met the woman who I want to become. Her name is Clemma and she runs the Women's Coalition of St. Croix. The Women's Coalition helps the women in St. Croix when they are having issues with the men in their lives and helps them get their lives together if they need help. It's exactly the type of organization that I want to work for when I graduate.
A group that I recently got involved with on campus is FORGE (Fighting for Our Rights and Gender Equality). It's the activist group on campus and I love it. Another group that is connected to FORGE is BFF (Books For Feminists). We are reading My Year of Meats by Ruth L. Ozeki, and she is coming to our campus to have a dinner with us and speak to the whole University. I'm inspiried by authors because it's something that I've thought about doing since I was young. This blog is the start of my writing career. I hope you enjoy it and are inspiried by my thoughts as I've been inspiried by the thoughts of all authors that I've read.

Book that I recomend (this will be in every entry because I love reading and I want to share with you where I get my inspiration)
-My Year of Meats (Ruth L. Ozeki)